Sometimes...

We miss Granny more than other times.  There are days where my heart just breaks that I can't pick up the phone and tell her about my day and what the girls are doing.  And sure I can talk to my sisters or brothers and talk to Dan and talk to Dad, but I miss talking to her and it's hard to know that I never will again in this life.
I wonder what she is aware of in our lives--Mom, did you see?  Did you see I finished the baby shoes?  You started them--your sewing was so nice.  And I came over that one day last fall and we tried to figure out the next step--and we couldn't.  And then, the week of your last surgery, I spent 2 hours on that step--and figured it out.  I showed you when you came home and you were happy for me and told me to finish them for my baby.  But we never got the chance to sit down together and finish.  So I waited.  And now that Candy is 3 months old, those shoes will fit her, so I spent an afternoon in your quiet, empty house missing you and finishing those shoes.

So on days like that, I try to slow down a little.  I try to look--really look at my children and my husband and love them a little more fiercely because losing Mom drives home the point that life is short.

I'll spend time looking through picture after picture.  I love to see her smile.  I love to see her with my children.  They love it too.  We talk about her.  And she seems a little closer then.
Then we watch the "Granny videos"--picture montages made by my sister and set to music.  There is one from the ovarian cancer race my Mom walked in last May.  There is one my sister made her for mother's day.  And there is one from our last few weeks with her.  Megan and Brooke LOVE to watch them.  In one of them, there is a video clip of Mom in the hospital the day after her 5K and she waves at the camera, and never fail, Megan and Brooke wave back.  And my heart aches, and I am teary, and my girls gather around me and hug me and after a little while, we get back to the day.   

Pics from Oct. 19

Pumpkin Carving

We carved pumpkins for family night on Oct. 17.  *Note to self (and others in Houston-like climate):  Pumpkins rot in approximately 6 days--therefore we had 6 days of a cute pumpkin and a week of a rotting yucky pumpkin sitting on the porch.  The upside is that rotting yucky pumpkins look very creepy!

Silly girls before bed on Oct. 14--I love Brooke's mullet-like pigtails...

My sweet Candy during a morning snooze on Oct. 15--3 months old already...

All smiles!  Oct.  15

Daddy showing them how it's done, Oct. 17

The finished product!  *Megan's crown says "I can be a good example"  She wore it for a week straight until all the jewels had fallen off.  

Happy Halloween!

Poor Candy--in her normal spot during dinner time (in the Bumbo on the table) just couldn't stay awake any longer!  Oct. 18

Window Treatments...

I finished the valences for the kitchen's three windows in October. I am really happy with how they turned out and I love the fabric.

I did the curve by sewing the lining and the main fabric together and flipping it (like a pillowcase).  I just made sure to clip my curve and then topstitch so it would lay flat.  

And my darling 2 year old with darling pigtails.  Just because.  Oct. 13

Early October...

I am a terrible picture-narrow-downer (obviously not a word but you get the idea).  So here are pictures I love from early October...

Megan, Brooke, and some darling girlfriends on Oct. 4 (someone was sick and preschool was cancelled so we had a playdate instead)

My sweet sleeping girl (Oct. 5)--this was at 7:45 am.  She still gets up WAY too early.

Cute hairdos (Oct. 6)--Brooke finally has enough hair to do some cute things!

Dancing...and do you notice that Megan's black skirt appears almost every day?

While Megan is at joyschool and Candy is napping, Brooke and Mommy play--Oct. 6.  

Love that face.

Still on Oct. 6--Megan's home from school and the girls set up camp in the back corner of the yard.  I loved watching them giggle together, popping their heads up randomly.  I could see them but not really hear what they were saying and I wondered if this was what Mom's view in heaven is like--it's a pretty sweet view!

Megan shared her beloved "Bunny" with Candace--Oct. 7

Eating her blankie, Oct. 8

Snuggles with Daddy, Oct. 9

I love the pure joy of a baby laughing!  Oct. 12

Conference Weekend

On Saturday of conference weekend, I finished up the last of the painting in the kitchen during the first session.

The girls enjoyed our crazy setup while we painted.  Why is it that all kids prefer to sit about 4 inches from the tv?  I know I did it too, I remember many warnings from my parents about how I would ruin my eyes if I sat too close.  Now I know that I was probably just blocking their view!

Oct. 1

About an hour into the second session, we got in the car to head up to my friend Kat's new house for a surprise b-day party for her sister Jenn who was visiting for the weekend.  We got to listen to conference on the way (thanks to our free trial of XM radio) and we had a blast letting the kids slip-n-slide and eating a yummy dinner of fried deer fingers.  While the men went to Priesthood session, Kat, Jenn, their Mom, and I enjoyed chatting, tearing up as we remembered and missed my Mom, wrangling the kids into bed, and playing games.  When the boys got home, we played some more games and stayed up way too late.  It was such a great evening!

 Kaden and Megan running (they mostly played run and fall as opposed to slip and slide), Brookie on the slide...

Jenn's hubby Chris found a lizard--so fascinated!

Freezing kids...

On Conference Sunday (Oct. 2), we met my Dad and my siblings early (8 am) at my Mom's grave to drop off some flowers and be together.  It was the first time I'd been back since her burial exactly 3 months before.  It was the first time Megan and Brooke had been there.  It is interesting to me that their memories of my Mom will be centered around that little patch of grass.  It almost startled me to think that it was the closest Candace had ever been to Mom's body.  It already seems strange that Candace never met her in this life. 
It was different than our conference Sunday last April, that's for sure.  Oh how we miss being with her.  It was nice to have the rest of the day together at Dad's listening to our leaders speak.  Feeling the spirit sure helps bring peace to my soul when it seems like having Mom gone is just too painful.

A beautiful morning (Oct. 2) 

Flowers for their Granny... 

Grandpa and little Candy...

Cougar Crafts...

Our growing girls needed some new cougar gear for the 2011 football season.  Unfortunately, Dan's recruiting trip to BYU ended up getting cancelled and I found myself scrambling to find something cute (and cheap).  I ended up buying some $4 white shirts for the girls one size up from their usual.  Then I bought a navy blue men's XXXL t-shirt for $3.  While watching one of the games at my Dad's I broke out the serger and some steam-n-seam and got to work! 
I printed out a big Y logo and used the sleeves of the men's shirt to make my Y.  Then I ironed that onto the shirts with the steam-n-seam.  I wanted it to last, so I then used the sewing machine to blanket stitch around the edge of the letter so it could survive washing.  Last, I cut a 6 inch (ish) strip off the men's t-shirt, gathered it, and serged it onto the bottom of the white shirts--voila!  2 BYU t-shirt dresses.  Not bad for $11.